A non-“Lost” watcher live blogs the finale…

Warning! Spoilers abound!

So I don’t watch “Lost.” I mean I HAVE watched lost, and I know some of the characters names, who’s done what to who, etc., but mainly because my husband watches the show.

We’re 10 minutes and 45 seconds away from the start, and my husband is excited. Well, he’s just put a load of laundry in to wash, so he’s coping, but he’s counting down the minutes. (A few days ago, he said something like, “It’s only 55 hours and 16 minutes until the finale.”)

I’m going to try live blogging this. I may have to get up for bathroom breaks, snacks, etc., so it may not be complete. Also, it may turn out to be complete drivel, in which case I may not publish it. But we’ll see how it goes.

8:56: Ed just realized that the last episode (from two weeks ago) is on. Now he’s watching intently.

8:57: John and Ben are talking strategy. Ben is telling John some complicated instructions about doing something somewhere. Ah, good. John is confused, too. I’m glad it’s not just me.

8:58: We’re back on the boat. Sun has the baby Aaron. Besides that, I haven’t a clue what’s going on. Now the Losties are walking somewhere. Where, I haven’t a clue. Do you?

8:59. Ben walked into someplace with his hands up. A guy with a machine gun just punched Ben out.

9:00: Here we go. Very exciting teaser. The Oceanic Six: Rescue.

Now they’re trying to recap the last days/months/weeks. I don’t know. This could be the most horrid blog entry ever.

9:01: There’s a press conference with the survivors.

9:01: We see Jack and Kate (I think), but I don’t know if it’s a flash forward or what. Jack just said, “We have to go back, Kate.”

9:02: Kate is backing the car up and incredulous that Jack said, “We have to go back.”

9:02: Ed (my husband) just said “Who?” when Kate said he saw an obit of someones. So Ed’s confused, too. This is good, in an odd sort of way. I think this must be a flash forward, because Kate said she has to explain to Aaron why Jack isn’t around. Off she goes again in the car.

9:04: Back on the island. Jack and Sawyer are walking through the jungle(?). Sawyer has a gun. They’re trying to figure out if they’re where they meant to be. Hugo (Hurley) is peeing. I think Jack and Sawyer “went back.” Sawyer wants to know “where the hell is he?” Who “he” is, I haven’t a clue. Ah, it must be Locke.

9:06: Back on the boat: This is a story line I’m completely clueless about. But there are a lot of explosives on the boat. The bomb is apparently remote controlled. This doesn’t sound good. Hmmm… And there’s a trip wire. BOOM, any way you look at it, apparently. Boom. Boom. BOOM.

9:07: Commercial. My hands are already getting tired.

9:09: John says there’s a Dharma station below, and he wants to get in. John wants to speak to Jack alone, but Jack won’t allow it. Hurley is talking about Rambo guys (RG), but I don’t know what that’s about.

9:10: Ben has restraints on his arms and is being walked through the jungle by the Rambo guys, I guess. Some dude is trying to un-handcuff himself from the helicopter. His name is Frank. I have no clue who he is or what he’s there for either.

9:11: Here comes Kate. She’s being chased by Ben’s people, she says. Now both Ben and Kate are on the ground with their hands behind their head. Someone is whispering. I think it’s the Others. Frank seems to have tackled someone. I heard crunching. Someone’s neck?

Now there’s a bunch of gunfire. People ducking, getting shot. Blah, blah, blah. Ben and Kate are still on the ground. Now they’re running. A grenade has been thrown and went off.

Kate and Ben are still running. (Ed had to rewind, so I’m not exactly sure what time it is. We’ll catch up during the next commercial. Hopefully.) Michael and one of the Rambo guys are now fighting. Sayid just stabbed RG in the back, but there’s still lots of fighting going on. RG got shot by someone. It’s not a RG, but I’m not sure who it is.

Here comes Kate into the clearing. She’s helps Sayid up. Ben sees one of the RG guys and his eyes get big. (RG is named Richard.) Kate cuts Ben’s restraints.

Ben says the helicopter’s theirs. They are free to go.

Another commercial, and we’ve caught up, so I can give you actual times when the commercial is over.

9:18: Hurley is eating something. He’s at an institutional-type place. Maybe it’s a mental hospital? Michael’s son and grandmother have come to see him. Hurley says he won’t do anything crazy. Walt looks big. Hurley said so, too. (So it’s not just me.) Hurley apologizes for not having come to see him when he came back. But Jeremy came to see him, and Walt doesn’t know why “they’re” all lying.

9:20: Hurley says they’re lying because it’s the only way to protect everyone who didn’t come back, like Walt’s dad (who is Michael, I think).

9:21: Back on the island. John and someone are talking. Sawyer and Hurley are talking. Hurley shares a cracker-type thing with Sawyer. Apparently, Sawyer came back for Hurley. H asks if the baby is o.k.

9:22: John asks Jack to reconsider leaving the island. Jack gives a lot of reasons why he shouldn’t. John says that Jack put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. John says that he hopes they can let bygones be bygones. Jack is told he’s going to have to lie. About everything that happened since they got to the island. John says it’s not an island; it’s a place where miracles happen. Jack says there’s no such thing as miracles.

9:24: Ben shows up, asks if he’s interrupting. Clearly he is. Ben and John go off looking for something. About the miracle, I gather. Ben tells him to go. John tells him to lie.

9:25: Ben and John go down in some elevator-type device. And another commercial.

9:28: Back on the boat. Sun and Michael are talking about what’s going on “down there.” He assures her that if the tank does what it’s supposed to do that they’ll be o.k. Sun says she’s pregnant. Michael smiles and says congratulations.

9:29: Michael says he’s going to freeze the bomb. The only “catch” is they have only one canister. If the battery turns red before they freeze the battery, they’re all dead. They decide to do it.

9:30. There is a little motor boat heading to the island. Apparently, they’re ferrying people to and from the island. I don’t have a clue.

9:31: Someone is eating peanuts without permission. Oh, Miles. Daniel told Miles to follow him. The next group is goging to the freighter in 10 minutes. Miles says he’s going to stay, despite the “direness” of the situation. Miles is surprised the lady is wanting to leave, after all the time she spent trying to “get back here.” Lady is confused.

9:32: Ben and John get off the elevator-like thing, after a very long ride. Apparently, where they’re going is very deep.

9:33: Ben is powering stuff up. John asks if this is the “magic box.” Ben says it’s not. John asks what the stuff is for, and Ben says it’s for “silly experiments,” just like all the Dharma experiments. Ben has John watch a video while he (Ben) takes care of business. It’s Dharma orientation video 6. It’s Dr. Edgar. I’ve seen him before. The station is called the Orchid. The vault is adjacent to a pocket of negatively charged matter. Meanwhile, Ben is still doing his thing. Metallic objects must never be put in the vault, but Ben has just put a metal trashcan in the vault.

9:35: John decides to watch part of the video again, but it seems the tape is jammed. Ben confirms that Dr. Edgar is talking about time traveling bunnies, but ignores John when he reminds Ben that Dr. Edgar said not to put anything metal in there.

9:36: Someone seems to be coming downstairs. Ben asks for his weapon back. Commercial.

9:41: Back on the island. Hurley catches up with Kate and Sayid. Here comes Jack. Several RGs are dead. Jack asks about the baby. Sawyer uses the hacksaw to free Frank. They are ready to head out by helicopter. Sayid and Frank are doing the pilot thing. Hurley asks if they can come back to look for Claire after they drop everyone off. Jack says “absolutely.”

9:44: They all look somewhat longingly at the island, somewhat M*A*S*H finale-like.

9:44: The elevator opens. It’s someone who we (or at least Ed) thought was dead. He says he knows Ben is down there. Ben seems to be hiding. Formerly dead guy (FDG) is talkin’ trash. He smiles evily. FDG may have a bomb attached to him. Ah… it’s the remote for the bomb. If he dies, the bomb on the freighter goes off.

9:46: John comes out. FDG asks him how he’s doing. He tries to reason with FDG, asks him to put his knife down, so they can talk. FDG doesn’t seem inclined to do that. Now Ben and FDG are fighting. Ben stabbed him. This is not good. The remote is beeping. Oopsie. Ben show no worry for “killing everybody on that boat.” Commercial.

9:51: The lady from earlier tells Daniel he’s going to stay for now. Her name is Charlotte, I think. He wants to know why she’s staying. She says she’s still looking for where he was born. She kisses his cheek and says goodbye.

9:52: Everyone else is still gathering. Juliet isn’t going either, because she promised she wouldn’t until everyone got off the island. Daniel pats her on the shoulder and walks away. They get ready to depart.

9:53: Back on the boat. They’re trying to disarm the bomb still. They determine “boom” will still happen. They have a quarter tank of nitrogen left. (Ed just paused the show. ::: waiting patiently :::)

Time unknown (I’ll catch up with time again at the next commercial): Michael says they better get everyone off the boat.

Meanwhile, the helicopter is still going, but the chopper is using fuel. Surely enough, they have a fuel leak. If they don’t make it to the boat, they’re in deep trouble, because there isn’t any fuel on the island. They’re tossing extra stuff to save fuel. I thought they were going to make a Hurley “fat” joke, but they didn’t. Jack keeps saying for the guy not to go back to the island.

Sawyer whispers something to Kate. Now they’re kissing. He tells her to “Just do it, Freckles.” Sawyer jumped out of the helicopter. And he surfaced. Now he’s in the ocean and swimming.

10:02: There’s someone in a parked car. i can’t tell who yet. Ut oh. He rolls down the window and gets shot. I don’t know who shot him. (Ed just said this is a flash forward.) Gun man (GM) goes into a room where Hurley is. The guy is Sayid. Sayid says he wants Hurley to go with him “somewhere safe” because circumstances have changed. Someone’s dead. Don’t know who it is. (Benton?) Died two days ago. They said it was suicide. Hurley has been treated for some psychiatric illness and says he doesn’t want to add paranoia to it. He’s playing chess against Mr. Echo (who isn’t there).

10:05: On the helicopter, they can’t find the freighter. There’s only four or five minutes of fuel. Hurley sees the boat “behind us.” Sure enough, there it is.

10:06: FDG is dying and John tries to save him. Ben doesn’t seem to care if he dies or not. FDG says that no matter where he goes, “they’ll find him.” Ben says “not if I find him first.” He’s dead.

10:06: Back on the boat, the bomb’s light changes from green to red. Michael tells everyone to evacuate and they go back to trying to freeze the battery.

10:07: Sayid is running on the boat, as the chopper arrives. A guy who Ed says is Desmond tries to tell the chopper not to land, but the chopper has to land despite the bomb.

10:08: Michael is still working on the bomb. On the deck, they’re trying to refuel the chopper. All sorts of stuff is going on. The nitrogen tank has almost emptied. Michael tells Jin to go since he’s a father now.

10:09: The chopper has fuel again. Jin is still inside. They have to go now. The baby is on the chopper, but Jin isn’t. Here he comes, but the chopper has left. Sun is screaming for them to go back to get him.

10:10: The nitrogen tank is empty. Michael is looking around for something. i don’t know what. Someone tells Michael he can go now.

10:11: The bomb explodes and on the chopper Sun screams. Commercial.

10:15: Sun is still screaming that they’ve got to go back and that they’re not leaving him. Aaron cries. Sun seems to come back to reality. Kate comforts the baby. Sun cries. They’re going back to the island.

10:16: Sun is talking on a cell phone (flash forward, I think). She’s there on business. She’s talking to her mother. Sun walks toward a businessman, asks him (Mr. Whitmore) if he’s really going to pretend he doesn’t know who she is. Apparently, they’ve both been lying about where they were and what they did there. She hands him a card and tells him to call when he’s ready to talk. Apparently, they were both on the island together.

10:18: John asks Ben why he killed FDG even though he knew the bomb would go off. Ben says he made a bad choice (in so many words). Ben closes the vault and there is an explosion. Ben says he’d better change.

10:19: Juliet is sitting on the beach. Sawyer swims onto the shore. He’s lost his shirt. How convenient. 🙂 He greets Juliet with “Nice day for a swim.” Juliet is drinking rum. She says she’s not celebrating when Sawyer asks him what she’s celebrating. In the distance, you can see smoke from the boat. Commercial.

10:25: Ben puts on a coat, says he’s going somewhere cold. Ben says John isn’t going with him, so he doesn’t need a coat. Ben says there are “consequences” of leaving the island. If they leave, they’ll never come back. (I think that’s what he said. I had a hard time hearing.) Some of Ben’s people will be waiting for John 2 miles away from the Orchid. He tells John goodbye and apologizes for making his life so miserable. John is to “find his way” in terms of what to tell the people.

10:26: John is looking for the people. Ah, there they are. They all look pretty normal so far. One of the guys tells John “Welcome Home.” John smiles.

10:27: Ben is going into a hatch. Still not sure why it’s cold. It looks like a cave. He can’t stand up straight in it. Now he’s going down a ladder and puts his foot through some glass or some thin ice. He falls down the ladder onto his shoulder. Ben lights a match and starts an oil lamp. This must be the cold place. He’s walking toward something. I’m not sure what. He says, “I hope you’re happy now, Jacob” and tries to turn a big wheel-type apparatus, but it’s frozen. He uses a crowbar to break the ice, and tries again. He’s able to move the wheel just a smidge. He throws the crowbar away, “puts his back into it,” and is able to move it more.

10:30: John with the people and Juliet and Sawyer and the people on the boat and the people in the helicopter all notice something weird. Ben is still turning the wheel. The two must be connected somehow. It looks like Ben is making heat. All of a sudden, it’s very, very bright on the island, in the helicopter, on the boat. There’s like this huge ripple in the ocean.

10:32: On the helicopter, they can’t find the island. Hurley says, “It’s gone.” And surely enough, it appears to be gone. As is the little island. The chopper is out of fuel. Down goes the chopper. They’re all putting on life vests. (Shouldn’t they have done this before?) They’re told to brace themselves. Sayid (or someone) throws a lifeboat.

10:33: The helicopter crashes. Commercial.

10:37: The water is still roiling. They’re in tthe water from the chopper crash. Jack can hear voices. They’re all checking to see if everyone’s o.k. Jack has someone, but I can’t see his face. Ed says it’s Desmond. Jack tries to resuscitate Desmond. Desmond just coughed up water and is conscious. It seems like everyone is accounted for. Great relief by all.

10:39: Jack tells everyone that it’s o.k.; they’re alive.

10:39: Someone just woke up. It’s Kate. This is a flash forward or something. Kate answers the phone. All she hears is clicking. I can’t understand what the person is saying, but Kate is alarmed. She’s pulling stuff out of cabinets and grabs a gun. She goes into the Aaron’s room with the gun drawn. Kate almost shoots her. Good thing she doeosn’t. It’s Claire. She says, “Don’t you dare bring him back.” Ah, it looks like Kate just woke up from a dream. She’s going to check on Aaron, who is asleep in his bed.

10:41: Kate touches Aaron’s sweet little hands and starts to cry. She says “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

10:42: Meanwhile, back on the lifeboat, Hurley asks if Aaron is o.k. She says he is. Hurley says he can’t believe that Locke moved the island, but Jack disagrees. Hurley says he did, but if Jack has another explanation, he’d love to hear it.

10:43: Frank sees a boat. Now they’re all yelling for the boat. The boat seems to see them. Jack says they’re going to have to lie about everything. They have to lie because of the story that’s been put out there that their airplane is on the bottom of the ocean… for the sake of the people who are still on the island. Kate says they can’t pull it off. Jack says to let him do the talking. They seem to all agree.

10:45: The boat definitely sees them.

10:45: A woman who Ed says is Penny is on the boat. Desmond is very happy to see him. I don’t know who Penny is or how Desmond knows her.

10:46: But they’re kissing now, so apparently they know each other quite well. 🙂 Now they’re laughing, and she’s saying, “You’re o.k.” Desmond asks how she found him. She says his phone call, that she has a tracking station. Desmond says he loves her and will never leave her again. They’re kissing again.

10:47: Everyone got off the lifeboat onto the big boat. Desmond makes the introductions to Penny. Jack says that he and Penny need to talk. Commercial.

A side note: during the commercial, a teaser for the upcoming news says, “A 52-year-old teacher, holds her own against a student.” They were fighting. Yes, the important thing IS that the teacher was able to keep up in a fight with a student. Sheesh!

10:51: They’re going on a smaller boat, headed to an island that starts with an M, 3,000 miles away from the other island. They’re doing this to keep everyone safe… to throw people off their track or something? Desmond is staying behind with Penny. One or the other (Jack or Desmond) says “See you in another life.”

10:53: They paddle away. A small child sees the boat coming.

10:54: They keep paddling for shore. Natives to the island come to greet them and pull the boat ashore. They get off the boat, all safe and sound apparently. They’re all wandering around. Jack and Kate are walking together. Kate has Aaron.

10:55: Jack flash forward. He pulls up to a funeral parlor. He has a bandage on his head. Apparently, we’re going to find out who’s in the coffin. I didn’t know there was someone IN a coffin. This must be something I’ve missed. Jack uses a rock to break the handle off the door and breaks in.

10:56: There’s the coffin. Creepy “Lost” music is playing. Jack looks bereft. I also think he’s drunk. Jeremy is in the coffin, but who is Jeremy? (I didn’t know we didn’t know who Jeremy is.) Oh, it’s Ben (not in the coffin, talking to Jack). “He” told Jack that Ben was off the island. “He” also came to see Kate. After Jack left the island, some very bad things happened and that it was Jack’s fault for leaving and said that Jack had to come back. “He” has been hoping Jack would be on a passenger plane and crash. Ben says the island won’t let him come alone. All of them have to go back.

10:58: Jack says he doesn’t know where Sayid is. Hurley is insane. Sun blames him. And Kate won’t talk to him. Ben says maybe he can help Jack with that. Ben says the only way to do it is for them all to do it together. (Do you know what “it” is? I surely don’t.) Ben says “All of you. We’re going to have to bring him, too.” Coffin boy. It’s John Locke!

The end.


11 thoughts on “A non-“Lost” watcher live blogs the finale…

  1. Anthea

    Love your post! Far fewer WHOA OHMYGODS than my posting. 🙂

    Anthea, thank you for stopping by and reading my post. I probably have the only largely unemotional “Lost” post in the entire blogosphere. 🙂

  2. bits & pieces

    You rock. I missed the first hour and a half due to storm coverage.

    Great idea for a post and you did a great job!

    You know the weather is bad when a station preempts something like “Lost.” I wonder how many calls the station got?

    I’m glad you enjoyed the post. I enjoyed writing it.

  3. Jen

    I was thinking about live blogging LOST but it just didn’t happen. Great recap! My favorite scene was when Sawyer whispered to Kate (what in the heck did he say???) and when they “moved” the island. That was so awesome!!

    Yeah, the scene between Kate and Sawyer was great. 🙂 Thanks for the compliment on my post.

  4. LeeAnn (AKA FrazzMom)

    Loved your play by play. Cracked me up when you were blogging about someone/thing that you had no clue about… I frequently sound like that and I’ve been a Lostie since the first episode!

    Great job!!!

    Thanks so much, LeeAnn. I’m glad my play-by-play cracked you up. Seriously, your comment made me smile.

  5. oh amanda

    Whew! You did a lot! And I think you got it all! So, do you consider yourself a LOSTIE now?!

    Thank you! I tried hard…

    I would say I’m still a LOSTIE in training. 🙂

  6. Pingback: THIS is the American Idol finale night…

  7. Pingback: Even “The Simpsons” talks about “Lost.”

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